


LOVE THY ENEMY

by galateabellator



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action, F/M, Gen, Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-17 15:45:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2314889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galateabellator/pseuds/galateabellator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This fanfiction is a prequel to my other work, called “Lance Corporal” which is focused on Corporal Levi. The other prequel to the same story is a “Warrior Heart”, and it’s a story about Reiner. This prequel is about Bertholdt, and about his fall to Humanity’s soldiers. The narrator here is <b><i>Cadet Romy (Rosemarie) Sohner</i></b>, one of the characters I’ve created for the SnK universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Painful Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to keep that kind of secret for so long.

Warning: Slightly strong language and possible spoilers.

PART 1 

The scouting legion soldiers were on the latest mission beyond the Walls. Our task was to search for humanity’s most wanted fugitives, Bertholdt Hoover, and Reiner Braun. We were tracking those traitors, who I once called my comrades… and considered friends, even… but that was so long ago, I am not really sure I can even call them ‘friends’ anymore.

It was one of those abstract, silent nights, where everything seemed shallow. It felt empty, and cold, and you could feel how darkness slowly consumed you, crawling deep into your bones until it made you completely numb. Everything was painted in deep, pitched black. The darkness was so thick it almost swallowed the landscape, and made our job entirely impossible for us, at least until dawn. 

Scouting for those traitors. I know I am not supposed to think about them… for it only brings grief and disappointment to me, and I hate to feel that way - especially since it isn’t my fault. 

Unfortunately, they are on my mind all the time and I can’t help it, mostly because it isn’t easy to forget someone that important once they profoundly mark one part of your life. Bertholdt and Reiner were part of mine, whether I liked it or not. Both of them were fighting for our cause, and have joined the humanity’s force against titans, so they’ve hurt pretty much everyone when we finally learned the truth. It was a smart and well-planned move, brought from the very heart of humanity’s army. We were crushed and betrayed from the inside, by those we considered our own. 

What a shame. 

Since I met them, those two always kept their distance from the rest of us, like they had some hidden agenda. To make things worse, they actually did! If I only listened to my intuition, I might have figured all the signs sooner, and spared myself from bonding with them. I could’ve realized that something terrible was hidden behind Reiner’s warm smiles, friendly hugs and comrade teasing. I should’ve known that the emptiness in Bertholdt’s eyes was something dangerous, cunning, and something which wasn’t to be disregarded easily, like we all did because we believed him. 

He seemed so… vulnerable, and somehow safe - like he couldn’t hurt a bug, yet alone human being. Or thousands of hundreds of them, for that matter. I should’ve know that his alienation from humanity was something entirely dark, and triggered by feelings of deep hate… or fear. Because, no one who has at least a hint of empathy would do something as cruel as those two did. They killed all those civilians in Shiganshina, they invaded Trost as well… they also killed 20,000 civilians who had to fight titans to retake Wall Maria. (Yes, I blame those titan-shifters of that too). 

I tried to think about reasons why he and Reiner would attack us, and hurt us so badly… but none of those reasons seem good enough to me in the end, or I just wasn’t creative and empathetic enough. I couldn’t understand, I didn’t want to understand, because those brutal and cruel attacks simply couldn’t be justified in my mind. Whatever it was, I didn’t care anymore. What I knew for sure, was that the yesterday’s friends were today’s enemies. It’s as clear as this air that I am breathing, as these arms, which are shaking to the very mention of their names. As clear as the smell of a rain which threatened to compromise our mission and ruin trails we were on. I hate it.

I should just forget it all - all those hard but funny times we shared together, back in the 104th trainee squad, all the memories we’ve created together, no matter how insignificant or small they were… I should disregard the mutual respect we developed, it all needs to be erased. Now. I should forget all about them now. I once cared for those monsters, but they didn’t deserve any kind of compassion from humanity, and most certainly not from me. It’s not like I gained anything from those two anyway. But… it still hurts. 

From all the things a human being can endure, I find the betrayal to be the most tragic, and the most unforgivable. 

When someone dies, they usually die because they were killed or eaten by titans. No one who died originally wanted to die, unless they suffered to the point where they wanted to take their own life… but those cases are considered extreme even in our world. The same goes with pain. You don’t want to feel it and you usually can’t and won’t if it’s your decision (well, unless you are damaged and want to harm yourself, of course). 

But the point is, we don’t want to suffer as we don’t want others around us to suffer as well. It’s only natural. And, it’s the same with love. When you love, you don’t chose who will be the one. Your heart does. And it’s not the matter of choice as it is the matter of fate and attraction. 

But betrayal… is a matter of choice. You deliberately make other person suffer, inflict a great amount of pain and disappointment onto them. You shatter them from the inside, and you do it on purpose. That’s why I despise betrayal. All other things seem forgivable in comparison. 

Enough. Enough of these messy thoughts. I can’t take this any longer.

I rose from my sleeping bag. I looked around, finding that all the soldiers from our common tent were sleeping (or pretended they were sleeping, I couldn’t tell). I just knew I couldn’t normally lay there and wait for the dawn, not with my chaotic mind. I needed to focus onto something. Anything. So, I took my cape, wrapped it around my shoulders and went outside. 

Other tents were swarmed between trees. The soldiers were mainly asleep. Only a few were awake, but those were on the guarding duty anyway /- so they had to be cautious. I was staring at two of them who were supposed to keep guard, but seemed like they were too tired from riding. 

“Cadet Sohner,” a voice startled me, and I turned to face a figure in the darkness behind me. He was leaning against the tree, one leg bent in the knee, arms crossed on his chest. His tone was strict but also held a strange gentleness to it. It was almost as soft as it was sharp - it’s simply hard to explain until you hear it. The owner of the voice wasn’t particularly tall, I was taller than him for an entire human head, but he had very intimidating presence. I didn’t do anything against the military rules to feel anxious around him, yet I still felt somewhat guilty.

Corporal Levi had that kind of influence on others. 

“Lance Corporal, sir…” 

“I wasn’t informed that you were on the patrolling duty tonight,” he said, the threat already rising in his words. I was surprised he remembered my last name, yet alone whose patrolling duty it has been, but I guess it was just his function to control soldiers on his watch.

“It’s because I am not, sir.” My voice sounded higher than it should’ve been. 

“Why aren’t you in your tent with the rest of your unit, then?” he demanded, now openly rude. I’ve decided to be honest, because I was short on excuses I didn’t even need to provide. 

“I just… couldn’t sleep. That’s all, sir.” He glared at me, and then turned to two soldiers who were sitting on the ground, in front of the fire. 

“Friedrich,” he called. “Friedrich!” 

Since Friedrich was not answering, Corporal kicked him by his boot. It looks like Corporal Levi just adores to kick people around. 

“Get up, it’s time to get some rest. Bring that fool with you when you go. Cadet Sohner here will keep me company for tonight, since you are both unable to stay awake,” he informed the blond soldier, who seemed as confused by Levi’s order as much as I was - but he didn’t respond a thing. 

He stood up, saluted, and obeyed. He brought his mate with him, and went to one of the tents. 

I cursed my luck. My promenade gained me this rather unexpected task, with Corporal Grumpy himself… and although I profoundly admired him, and respected him as a soldier, I wasn’t very fond of his personality. I think nobody was, besides Squad Leader Hanji and Commander Smith. But again, I am afraid I wasn’t such a great judge of characters, especially if you take into consideration my love interests. I fail miserably whenever I fall in love. 

“Pardon me for the liberty to ask you directly, but aren’t some other soldiers supposed to keep watch tonight instead of you, sir? You are a Corporal, after all.” 

“You’ve always been a direct one, haven’t you?” Levi sighed. We stood in silence. For a moment, I thought he wouldn’t respond at all, so I added:

“I just… I don’t think you would be here unless you yourself wanted to… sir.”

He was staring into the sky, searching for stars behind the grayish clouds, which gathered around the Moon. 

“Well, aren’t you a bright one.” It wasn’t a question… he mocked me. 

I leaned against the tree as well, sinking into further silence. I was wondering if Bertholdt was awake, and staring into this same sky. I was wondering if Armin already figured where the two fugitives could be hiding, and if Eren, Mikasa, Connie, Sasha and Jean found anything new from their scouting route. I was dying to find out, but I couldn’t ask. My mouth just kept shut. 

I always kept my mouth shut, about everything. No one ever knew about my thoughts or feelings, unless I chose to express them verbally. I don’t feel special about it or anything, I just… think it’s better to leave things to yourself. Telling to others only burdens them, or upsets them, or upsets you in the end. 

I’ve had friends before… I was good with Christa, Sasha, with Mina Carolina… but they just weren’t people who I wanted to confide in. It’s difficult for me, because I am having a hard time to trust people. I couldn’t really fit well with Mikasa or Annie either, because they weren’t approachable. I was spending some quality time with Armin, though, and he was a very interesting guy to be around to, but when you are a girl, there are things you can’t share with guys. Eren was fine, but sometimes too obsessed with killing titans. Jean was generally nice, but knew to be a complete arrogant asshole from time to time. He would tease me about various things, but his intentions weren’t bad. He called me ‘freckles’, ‘redhead’, and what not. 

Connie made me laugh, a lot. Him and Sasha, to be fair. They were hilarious in their own way. Reiner was like a big brother, always there to help, always supportive, and always oh so flirty. It annoyed Lotte a lot, since that girl always had a big crush on him. 

Marco was a definition of goodness; he was a boy of a golden heart, clearest eyes and broadest smile ever. He was friendly and communicative, and he was the most decent human being I’ve had the honor to meet. If I only kept loving him instead of falling for Bertholdt, I might have felt different by now. Yes, I’d be heartbroken too, but comforted by the thought Marco died as a human, and for humanity’s cause… unlike that monster I loved for longer than I should have. 

Bertholdt… he was always so gentle, so quiet, so… distant, but also warm. I guess I liked his alienation, his distance from others because I identified myself with those features. I saw a bit of myself in him, but I was so wrong I could just slap myself for being that stupid. It was a mistake. Hard mistake, which taught me a good lesson. 

So, when we summarize, I had friends in the end… friends to hang out with, to chit-chat with and to spend some time with… but not friends in that deep, emotional sense everyone else expected you to bond. I chose to be this way, because I wanted to shield myself from getting hurt. But you can’t really escape the pain if you feel for others, it’s just… unavoidable. You can’t pretend to be cold when you aren’t. 

“How do you find the East Unit, brat?” Levi broke the silence, looking at me again. 

“Everyone is very professional, and Captain Gustav Lindeman takes a good care of us all. I find it satisfying. Why do you ask, sir?” 

“You were briefly a part of our section, if I remember correctly. What were your marks, again?”

“I was ranked fifteenth, sir. The teamwork was 3/10, battle skill was 5/10, initiative was 7/10, and strategy and judgment were both 10/10.” 

“Yeah, one of those top field tactician-brats who are remarkable in deduction and strategies. What was your reason for leaving our unit, remind me?” 

“I… I just felt that I would be more useful in some other unit. You already have commander Smith, who is known for his innovative ideas and strategy plans, and Armin Arlert, who already is the most splendid field tactician you could get from the cadets’ unit, so…”

“You are bullshiting me, brat. Those excuses are lame. If you don’t want to talk about it, just say so.” He seemed relaxed, and he didn’t care what my reasons truly were… he just asked to start a conversation. I guess. 

“I apologize, sir… but I wasn’t lying to you. I moved into another unit because I felt I could be of bigger use to humanity if I was in another unit of Recon Corps.”

Levi’s eyes got dangerously sharp. He left out a small “tch” before he crossed his arms on his chest again. When he spoke, his voice sounded tired and somehow… defensive. 

“I’ve heard that once before, and none of that crap was actually true. You may think you aren’t lying to me brat, but you are lying to yourself, from whatever reason.” 

The silence that followed was more unpleasant than ever. He saw right trough me, right through the perfect mask I was putting around everyone. He was suspecting something. He maybe even guessed… no. Wait… no. This wasn’t about me at all, I figured, it had something to do with Corporal Levi, and that something might have hurt him. I wanted to explain to him… I felt like I needed to. 

“I am not lying to myself, sir. I never do. I honestly think it was better choice at the time. It had nothing to do with you, I believe you are a great leader, and all… but I needed some space far from the old squad. Far from… everyone.”

“Far from someone else in particular?” he asked softly. He did figure it out, surprisingly. 

“I don’t think that is relevant, sir,” I said, feeling the pinch inside my heart. The voice inside my mind whispered ‘Bertholdt’. It was relevant. I just couldn’t say so. “Did someone else leave your unit, so you are talking like this, sir?” I boldly asked, realizing what I did only after I said it. That didn’t happen often to me, so… damn it. 

I was expecting him to rage, to yell at me, or to punish me or… whatever. Everything but the straight forwarded answer. 

“As a matter of fact, someone did. And I consider them as much of a coward as I consider you.” While he opened up, I lost my temper. I guess I was pressing too many things inside my own heart. 

Never in my life have I been called a coward.

That’s where I lost my composure. “That’s rude even for you, sir. I am not a coward!” I said, anger emitting through my every pore. I can be considered many things, but coward… just no. And this man didn’t have any right to offend me. 

“Everyone who can’t face their problem and escape from it, are cowards by definition in my book,” he said, calmly, and without any emotion. 

“Well, I wouldn’t like to read that one, that's for sure,” I said aggressively. I wanted to argue. I wanted him to yell at me, to mock me, anything, because I felt something crawled deep inside of me, and that bothered me. I needed it to stay buried. I needed to cover it with rude words. But Levi said nothing, wasn’t even looking at me, and I… finally broke under the pressure. Everything I was hiding, holding inside for years... it came into the surface in the most unexpected and the least desired moment.

The weight crushed me, and I felt something breaking inside of me. I wanted to stay calm, to stay composed in front of my superior. But I felt I might cry at any moment.

I never cried because of things that happened… because you can’t change the past. I didn’t cry when I confessed to Bertholdt and after he rejected me. I didn’t cry after I realized he had feelings for Annie. And I didn’t even cry after I found out what he really was, or when I figured that he, in his titan form, was responsible for my family’s demise (I lost my mother, my brother and my sisters in the fall of Wall Maria). Never. Crying was useless and emotional thing that happened to be a luxury I couldn’t afford, if I wanted to stay strong. I never talked about it. But, now… 

“I left because I couldn’t take it,” I whispered, choking on my sorrow. It finally got me.

“I couldn’t look at him and pretend everything was normal after he rejected me.”

“By ‘he’, you mean…” 

“Cadet Hoover. The Colossal Titan.” There. I've said it, and in a strange way... I felt relieved. True, I’ve admitted it to the only person who I would never imagine I’d admit. But he could understand, this rude little man who happened to posses one quality I highly appreciated - the discretion... he could understand, and stay silent about it. Therefore, I continued: “And it wasn’t even the hardest thing. I left because I didn’t feel like I belonged, Corporal. I don’t really belong anywhere.”

With that, I pulled my cape tighter around me, feeling the hot tears sliding my cheeks. I hid myself from his eyes. I was ashamed of my behavior, but I let it all out. I was sobbing in my hand. I didn't cry only because of Bertholdt. I cried because of everything I held inside for such I long time. I thought I was stronger than this, ironically. What a shame.

“Of course you belong, you shitty girl. You belong to this rotten world, to its rotten people, to everyone and anyone who calls themselves human. You belong to the Scouting Legion, you belong to higher cause, and if that doesn’t mean anything, I don’t know what else does.” 

“I am… I am afraid, Corporal. If others find out… that I… that I loved… that I still love… the monster…” I was sobbing, and couldn’t finish the sentence. Then, I felt him approaching. I felt his hand on my forearms. He removed them so I could face him. 

“You aren’t supposed to worry what others think. It’s overrated anyway.” He handed me a handkerchief. I wiped my tears away, looking him with a sudden urge to hug him. But, I wasn't much of a huger, and he definitely was not either, so... I didn’t. 

Instead, I pulled myself together. I needed some kind of emotional vent, and I ultimately got it, and now it’s time to regain my tranquility. 

“I don’t think we can capture them, sir. The fugitives. They are too powerful, and we have lost great deal of soldiers in various missions. This is a suicide task for us as long as they keep sticking to each other. We can’t harm them as long as they are together,” I said. 

Levi nodded. “That’s what Cadet Arlert said too. What do you suggest, then?”

“We need to find a way to separate them. Braun is having disassociative episodes, he was… hard to deal with, for Hoover. He kept him sane, and focused onto their mission, but it’s just a matter of time before Braun completely loses it,” I was thinking out loud. 

“Everything you’ve just said was pointed out by the Arlert to Erwin. Unfortunately, we don’t have much of a plan this time, we just need to look after their movements, in case they decide to go after Eren. If they attack in the process, we will defend ourselves. But… other than that, I don’t really believe we can harm them either.”

“Where is your team, sir? Are they back from their tracking task?” 

“They are scouting in the Forest of Giant Trees – well, all of them except Eren. He’s with Erwin. The rest of the team… they are still searching for those two. As soon as they notice them, they are to return back for reinforcement, and that means Eren, me, and the rest of other units - yours included.”

“Can I go with you, Corporal? With Cadet Jaeger, you and Commander Smith? I want to be in the first lines this time. I want to watch them fall,” I said. My unit was supposed to stay behind, and keep rocket launcher-ropes ready. I didn’t want to stay with my team, not this time.

“It’s not my call, Cadet, but I will ask Commander Smith to grant you your request. I just wonder… how can we watch them fall, if we can’t even make them separate themselves?” 

“I have an idea, and I am sure Cadet Arlert already give it a thought before. We just need to locate them first.”


	2. His Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The right bait will catch the biggest pray.

Warning: Slightly strong language and possible spoilers.

**PART 2**

It was a boring watch, in the boring night, with Corporal who didn’t want to bond with others, and that was fine - I didn’t like it either. But we somehow managed to talk about all important things along the way. The perks of being a cadet on the watch, really.

“You think that will actually work?” the Lance Corporal asked. His tone expressed the obvious suspicion. He didn’t have the slightest hope. 

“We could give it a try, sir. I mean, playing on their human side is the only thing we can count on, in this kind of situation. If that fails, then we are…”

“Screwed,” he suggested indifferently. 

“My expression would be ‘done’, but yours sums it up pretty well too, sir.”

Levi sat in front of the fire, listening to crackling it occasionally made. I soon followed, feeling like a dumbass for repeating his behavioral pattern, but I didn’t have anything smarter to do. 

“It’s a very bold thing to gamble on, Sohner. I doubt there’s much humanity left in them, considering to what they’ve been able to transform into,” he reminded me. 

“I know… I am well aware of the danger they present, but I strongly believe that deep inside they are still human-based, so they must be vulnerable to something. We just need to find what draws them to feel… and exploit their weaknesses.”

Levi listened. That encouraged me to continue. “For example… Reiner… he is on the edge. Within him, there are two personas… one is deeply concerned for humanity, he believes he is still solider who fights on our side, for us. The other Reiner… the warrior, as he referred to himself, is something completely different. Our opponent, our enemy, who wouldn’t even blink before he crushes us all into the ground. We need to provoke his soldier persona.” 

“Yeah, yeah, how very poetic. Enlighten me about this, then… how do we lure the soldier out, and keep the warrior shut?” 

“By setting the right bait, sir.” 

Levi buried his head in his palms, like that was the dumbest thing he’s heard in the last few days. Maybe it was. He rubbed his eyes. Then, he spoke again. 

“Jaeger is too damn important to risk him again for something so…”

“I wasn’t talking about Eren, sir. The best way to bring the soldier out, is to give him something to protect. Someone he knew from before. That aside, he is currently a warrior only because he is with Bertholdt to keep him focused. If we were to capture the Colossal Titan, the Armored Titan would be left with a shattered mind, and therefore, easier to apprehend.”

“And how do we capture the Colossal Titan?” Corporal put the ankle of one leg across the knee of the other, demonstrating his cocky attitude by sitting in that manner. 

“We also happen to have the right bait for that one too. We have already used it, so it’s already been proven as effective.”

“What… you mean… you?” he raised an eyebrow. I inhaled deeply to keep myself from breaking again. Since when do I behave like this? I took a moment before I answered. 

“No, sir. Never me,” I pointed it out honestly. If the colossal monster was in fact in love with me, we would have something to calculate with, to try to reach him through the girl he liked or loved. But, that wasn’t the case with me at all. 

I will never forget it… the look in Bert’s eyes, the worry written all over his face when Armin said something to him, the last time we fought to retrieve Eren. I was standing next to Armin when he told him a lie that brought him to the edge of desperation. It drove him mad, he was shouting in rage, in pain. He was crushed, all because Armin mentioned we had Annie in the Utopia district, and that she was tortured. 

“His weakness is Female Titan, Annie Leonheardt. That’s our advantage in all this.” 

“Hanji mentioned something like that to Erwin, but we didn’t discuss it further. The Leonheardt girl is still in that district, so how do you intend to…”

“I need Hanji’s or Armin’s assistance to forge a solid strategy, based on this idea. We will come up with something ultimately, I am confidant. Of course, if that’s ok with you and Commander Smith… sir,” I added. “But first, we need to locate them. If we go against them, our best chances are to use the nightfall, when there’s a less probability they would transform.”

He nodded. “All right, brat. If you two, or three come up with something that’s actually doable, I am all in,” his mocking tone was as cold as his usual one, but you could still tell the difference. 

“Thank you, sir,” I said.

“Tch… don’t thank me yet. We still don’t know anyting about those two’s location.”

True, we didn’t. But we had humanity’s strongest, and if he wasn’t capable of capturing Bertholdt, nobody will ever be. I curled up closer to fire, recalling the face of man I used to love more than anything in the world. His long, beautiful face. His tender, sad green eyes. His soft voice. 

Every once in a while, he’d say: “You are a good fighter, just keep up practicing.” Or: “You can do this, Romy,” or: “I believe in you, Romy.”

It was never Rosemarie, like he didn’t remember what my true name was. However, whenever he said it, that simple nickname, I felt like I was special. It’s stupid, I know. But the way he spoke it was… just, so enchanting. 

I enjoyed being around him, staying close. He even figured I liked Marco, and that was something nobody else noticed, not even Jean, who was the closest friend to Marco. 

Bertholdt was there for me when I needed him. He knew how to comfort me, or make me happy with simple gestures. He brought me food from time to time, after the practice. He would spare me the place to sit if I couldn’t manage to get in time for dinner. He would help me with my gear, with cleaning and maintaining. But most importantly, he was there for me when I was in pain. 

Bertholdt didn’t talk to humans longer than it was necessary (I thought it was because he was extremely shy and that he suffered a trauma), but I enjoyed his company and I would always find a way to start even the smallest conversation with him. I was forcing it in a way, to be honest. But he was fond of me too in his own manner. 

I was deeply depressed for a while. It began soon after the battle of Trost. Marco has just died, and I was taking a free time from the military service, using the ruined health as an excuse. I was reconsidering to leave the army, because Marco’s death and dealing with titans was too much for me to handle. But, everyone was in pain, not just me. I didn’t expect anyone to be there for me, since nobody knew how I felt about Marco Bodt. Everyone presumed I was grieving because of all lost comrades, and that was it. 

We lost a lot of cadets. Burned their bones on piles. That was too much as well. I thought I would never survive that part, looking at the pile that once was breathing, and talking, and smiling… and that it was Marco. Jean was feeling this loss too, just not in the same way I did. He grieved more. He knew him better than anyone else. It was only natural he’d suffer the most. But I suffered too. 

Only Bertholdt figured it out. He put his hand on my shoulder, only looking at me, but that look was worth a thousand words. He saluted me then, in a standard way, and I saluted back to him. That’s where I knew I wanted to fight further in humanity’s ranks. 

He brought me a single red rose the day after that. He picked it up somewhere along the way to trainees' barracks. “I thought of you when I saw it, so… this is for you, Romy.” 

“For me?” I was surprised. “Because of my name, right?” I smiled, turning slightly red after our fingers touched. He had long, thin fingers which would better suit an artist, or a musician perhaps, rather than a soldier, or a mass slaughterer. 

“Partially, yes. But also because of your hair. And your eyes.” He caressed my cheek in one quick motion, giving me a faint smile. “Your entire appearance reminds me of a rose. You are gentle, and very fragile. But, you can still take care of yourself, just like that rose can… with all its thorns.”

“You are silly, Bert. This one doesn’t even have thorns.” 

“I removed them. I - I wouldn’t like you to get hurt… you know.” He smiled awkwardly. I think it might be the exact moment when I’ve realized I liked him more than a friend. 

I remember how we would sit in silence, observing others from our separate points of view. He was analyzing soldiers, but from his own goal. I just thought it was one of many things we had in common, but he did it from different reasons than me. I was learning about my squad mates, each and every one of them. They were interesting to observe. I believe that body language reveals a lot about a person, so I followed them closely.

But Bertholdt saw right through me. He was the first friend I made in the trainees’ squad, after all. Moreover… the way Bertholdt understood me was almost frightening. I thought I understood him too, that it was a mutual thing. How stupid I was. How… pathetic I was. How bitter I currently am because of his actions, that I wasn’t aware he even committed. 

Bertholdt was responsible for Marco’s death. That’s why he tried to comfort me. To redeem himself in his own eyes, I guess. He must have felt guilty after everything that happened. 

When I think about it, Bertholdt was responsible for the death of my entire family too. He killed anyone I’ve ever cared about, leaving me shut off for the rest of the world. I was breathing, eating, fighting… but I wasn’t alive. And it was Bertholdt’s fault. 

I could love a man, but not the monster inside of him. That monster which destroyed my home, leaving my older sister, Nina, crushed under the pillars. I didn’t think anything could really harm Nina, she was always so… full of life. Cheerful. Dominant. Everyone expected great things of her, she was the real deal. She was two years older than me and she was persistent, and strong. She was thinking about joining the military, to protect us all… and she was crushed. Just like that. I still remember the sound; it haunts me in my dreams. 

My mother was trying to lead the rest of us through the chaos, sending us outside… and one of the falling rocks crushed her too. My mother. My sun. Suddenly, everything turned black without her. 

I was running. I didn’t know where I was headed, I just felt like I need to run. To hide. To escape. Anything. I pulled my younger sister, Greta, and picked up my brother Josiah as well. He was the youngest, and still a toddler so I had to carry him. We were all… so afraid. The people were screaming, the panic ruled everywhere. It was the end of the world. Literally. 

I remember I was looking at my beautiful, fragile little sister… her crimson locks moving as she was running, tears sliding down her pale, little face and worried little eyes. And suddenly, she was gone. Lifted in the air by a giant hand. All I was thinking in that moment… was how I stole her favorite doll to play with. How I was rude to her, and how bossy I was around her, only because she was younger. My poor, poor little sister. Greta was captured, lifted by one of the Titans that went through the hole in the Wall, and eaten in one quick drop. 

Josiah froze, squeezing me tightly. I froze too. He smelled like a baby, his skin and his hair. All about him was so baby like. He was too small. I held onto him, feeling his warm little hands around my neck, feeling the beating of his small heart against mine. I moved. I must protect him, I thought. He was the only one left in this world for me. My little brother. And I run again. 

I was in panic, I was sobbing, and I was carrying him. Somebody pushed us while escaping; I think it was a man. He just… pushed us, and we fell on the floor. No one stopped to help me. I was a child, carrying even a smaller child. Josiah started to cry... of fear, of pain, of stress. 

I was a nuisance. I was weak. The weak ones needed to die. I didn’t want to be weak. So, I picked up my brother again, and run towards the arcs.

What happened after was the most unexpected for me of all the hellish things I survived that day. Josiah’s heart gave out. I didn’t even notice. I was running, and running and running, and before I knew, he was dead in my arms. I didn’t even realize it. I figured it out only after I managed to get to the escaping arcs, finally relieved we managed to escape. To survive. 

But he wasn’t breathing anymore. I even thought I choked him in the process of running, but the doctor who examined the body told me he was dead for quite some time, and that it was his heart which killed him, not me. I wasn’t sure if he told me that only to comfort me, but he insisted Josiah would have signs of choking, and turn blue, or something. I didn’t listen. I was numb. 

And it was all… Bertholdt’s fault. I could love a man… but not the monster inside of him.

I couldn’t forgive him even if I still cared about him. I am not that type of girl. His hands… those slender, beautiful hands… are covered with blood. The blood of my family, the blood of thousands of hundreds of innocent people. And damn me if I don’t get to be in first ranks when Corporal Levi deals with him. I couldn’t harm Bertholdt, but the Colossal Titan was something else. Even if I didn’t have the desired strength to kill the monster, or capture it… Corporal Levi certainly did. 

“Hey brat, don’t fall asleep! We are on the watch, for God’s sake,” Corporal protested.

\----- the next day ----- 

The squad got back in the morning, just when I was finishing my duty with Corporal Levi. I was present when they reported that Reiner and Bertholdt’s traces were found outside the Forest of Giant Trees. So, according to the most recent reports, Mikasa was the one who discovered the trail, with Armin’s help. Those fresh leads pointed to the fact that Bertholdt and Reiner finally left their hiding place to find another – all for predictable reasons. The group of titans advanced to the Forest, and their number included at least seven, or eight of them, all the ten meters class. 

Bertholdt and Reiner couldn’t escape both humans and titans simultaneously, not while there were so many scouts after them (Captain Romulo’s team from South Unit backed up Levi’s squad). It was difficult to stay hidden from both parts, since titans were drawn to people, and especially if they were all gathered in one place. What shocked me (while it wasn’t supposed to, really) was that Commander Erwin suggested this move to Armin. He was the one who told him that soldiers could draw more titans to the Forest if those fugitives don’t make any significant moves on their part. This way, they were forced to flee, and to leave the Trees for good, knowing that the scouts got pretty close to them, as well as those unintelligent titans. 

The bad side of that plan, was that they got away again. We will have to search for them all over again, but at least, the Forest was secured. They were thrown out of their best hiding place, and were now in motion, on the run. I guess we could say it was some kind of success in this mission. We get to narrow the scouting area, and research all the possibilities, so things got a bit easier for us.

Regarding the lured group of titans… they were originally much larger group, but Mikasa slashed three of them by herself, Jean and Connie killed four (two titans per soldier), while Sasha got one. Armin didn’t make any killings this time either. They all left the remaining seven titans to wander through the forest, while they took the escape route which led them back to us. 

Eren was with Erwin the whole time, Hanji kept them entertained by her stories and theories from the titan - researching. I guess the Corporal Levi wasn’t very fond of those, so he went out to have some peace, even if it meant keeping the guard all night. 

We were now sitting in Erwin’s tent. Commander gave me the permission to participate, so I’ve been reunited with all these people from my training days. It was a bit weird for them to see me again, but that feeling went away after Commander told them I was there to assist in strategy to capture those two titans. I was one of the best strategists, although I wasn’t always so functional and quick to form a plan as Armin was, so it made sense. 

The search party located the titan shifters again, so we had a solid lead now. We could spy on them, and try to catch them when they separate, because at some point, they had to. And we had to use it, for it might be our only chance. For Reiner, we use the trick with Bertholdt. If it’s Bertholdt, we use the lie about Annie, and hope for the best. It was all played out. But, if we are discovered before they separate… Eren transforms and we all fight, and who survives, lives to tell about it. 

Officially, it is stupid and risky… but we were out of all other options. If we want to finally capture, or kill those two, we have to risk even if it means we have to die in the process. 

It was, after all, what we signed for when we joined the military.


	3. Don't Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the end... it's far from over.

Warning: Slightly strong language and possible spoilers.

PART 3 

Corporal Levi divided the squad into smaller groups, and took Eren, Mikasa, and me with him. Armin was going with Jean, Connie and Sasha. Hanji’s squad followed after us, also in separate groups of four or five members. Our goal was to go after Bertholdt. Armin and the rest of the squad were supposed to go after Reiner. The titan shifters were spotted around the big lake, so we presumed the hideout was somewhere around that area. We brought our signal flares to inform other soldiers about our positions. Mikasa was the best tracker aside from Levi, so they figured pretty fast where the lead went. 

To our surprise… it led to a small, sheltered cottage, hidden deep in the forest next to the lake Trainen. No one presumed it was habituated, especially in that part of the titans’ territory. The place was too far for humans to live and expect not to be eaten. It must have belonged to titan shifters, or some very, very courageous hunters, but those would have to be on a constant move, and I bet nobody had that kind of death wish. There were no reports that humans ever built these kinds of objects here, but again, the Scouting Legion didn’t get much information from the Government either. Our ruling forces liked to keep us all in the dark. It could’ve been built by Reiner and Bertholdt… maybe Reiner did it in his titan form. It wasn’t impossible, Eren provided the prove for this hypothesis when Hanji Zoe tested him. 

For titans like them, it should’ve been easy to build a house or cottage… they could model anything they liked, really. It’s like a children’s play. However, I don’t think that’s been the case since they had a little time to put it up. 

The nightfall had already hid us, but we needed to be extra careful. 

We were hiding behind the closest rocks, going in pairs. Mikasa insisted to go with Eren, so Levi was again stuck with me, and none of us was particularly happy about it… not me, not Eren, and certainly not Levi, but I guess that Corporal fulfilled Mikasa’s request, because he knew how much Eren meant to her. They didn’t even argue about it this time. Therefore, Levi went ahead. I was following him, as I was expected to. Mikasa and Eren kept their distance for about five minutes, then moved to follow us. We repeated this pattern until we reached our destination, which happened to be a fence around the cottage.

“Sir, do you think they are in there?” Eren wasn’t so convinced.

“Of course they are in there, dimwit,” Levi said, pulling the hood to hide his face. We mirrored his actions. 

“Shall we attack them now, then?” Eren was so eager to get them. He was always the hothead of our squad, but his intentions were good and his heart was in the right place. His only flaw was his certainty that he could kill them all. Exterminate all the titans. It was all he ever talked about.

“Eren,” Mikasa whispered, “stay behind me. I will protect you.”

“Oh, shut it, will you?” he responded, already annoyed by her. 

“Shut up, both of you. We will keep this distance for now.” We all looked towards the spooky house. We didn’t see the light, the wooden shutters were blocking the windows from us. If the fire was burning, we couldn’t see it. 

“But, Corporal…” Eren wanted to convince him to take this chance, because he obviously wanted us to try to go against those two by ourselves. Levi interrupted him.

“Wait until the shitty glasses arrives with her group, and wait for horse-face to assemble another one behind this area. We need to close the circle.” He didn’t want to lose more lives than necessary. 

“Sir, the longer we wait, the bigger is the chance for us to be exposed,” Eren pointed out. “Too many people are coming, I think…”

“Just shut the fuck up, will you?” Levi hissed. He estimated the distance and the risk.

“Sohner, after me. You two follow in ten instead of five,” he ordered. Ten minutes. Eren wasn’t content with the development of the situation, but he nodded. Mikasa just wrapped her red scarf around her face and waited. We climbed over the fence, and literally crawled through the grass to get closer to the walls of that cottage. I could hear the Corporal occasionally curse all the dirt on his uniform, but he will deal with that later, should we survive this. I was counting on that he will, anyway.

We got under the windows. Although they were closed, I was able to hear two very familiar voices. The sound isolation wasn’t good at all in that place, so we could clearly hear what the two most wanted fugitives were talking about. I thought my chest would explode from the excitement.

“… and I can’t believe you’d be so stupid! They told us they would forgive us, they would accept us back, if we only brought them the coordinate. We have a way to go back to our people! Why do you have to be so damn stubborn, Bertholdt?” Reiner’s voice was colored with despair and anger. 

“I just… think it doesn’t matter anymore. We’re done.” My heartbeat increased. He was there. They are both there, within our reach. We are so close. Bertholdt’s voice was soft, calm, but he sounded determined as never before. 

“Are you aware what you are doing? To our people? To our cause?” Reiner was outraged. I was breathing heavily. Klara. Nina. Greta. Josiah. My whole family, lost to these two. Levi pulled my hand, keeping me from rising up. I wasn’t even aware I almost got up.

“Patience, Sohner.” Levi whispered, with the sharp warning in his voice. 

“I am telling you… I can’t do it again. We aren't going to be safe with our people either, it's a lie. I am tired of this. Besides, Eren is guarded too well, we can’t retrieve him when the Scouting Legion constantly keeps an eye on him. I am also… tired of running, Reiner,” the traitor said, and I couldn’t believe his words. 

“I could just kill you and finish this myself,” I could hear the pain in Reiner’s voice. He didn’t really threaten Bertholdt, he was just expressing his torment. Bertholdt also figured it that way. 

“Maybe it’s for the best. Then, I wouldn’t have to betray you too.” 

The silence followed. Levi’s eyes seemed phlegmatic and uninterested; his face expressed boredom as if he was listening to a very dull conversation. 

“You think you owe them something, don’t you? To those idiots. They aren’t our friends. We have a mission. Isn’t that what you’d always tell me?” Reiner said again.

“I owe them… all… a debt I will never be able to repay. We will never be able to atone for our sins.” 

“Oh, come on! We were forced to go against him, it wasn’t even our decision! We were children, Bertholdt. It’s not like we knew what we were doing!”

“We knew,” Bertholdt insisted. Was it really guilt what I’ve heard in his response? I suddenly felt the flow of sadness meddling with my anger. I wanted to cry, to do anything to draw this feeling away, but something got stuck in my throat, something I wasn’t able to swallow. 

“We are still in no position to reject them. They will force us again. It’s better if we just obey our orders. That way, we might even get our families back.” Reiner mumbled. Levi moved this time. Only his head, but it was a sudden move. He was shocked by this statement like I was.

“I doubt we’ll ever see them again,” Bertholdt’s voice was barely audible, but I’ve managed to hear it. “We aren’t going to change anything even if we retrieve Eren. It’s just… a lie. We will be executed no matter which side we pick.”

“So you are picking the world you were forced to destroy?” Reiner was desperate now. 

“No. I am simply not going back to our people. I can’t. If you’d only go with me…”

“I am not a damn deserter! I’ve already told you I won’t! I am a warrior! You used to be one too!”

“Reiner…” 

“Don’t.” The silence followed again. 

“I am going back to the Walls. I… I will get Annie. I will rescue her, bring her here, and search for you… and we can all start a new life somewhere else. It doesn't need to end bad for us,” Bertholdt said. Mikasa and Eren arrived, and Levi pressed his forefinger to his mouth to signalize them to keep quiet.

“You can’t save Annie, you moron. They guard her in the Underground prison,” Reiner reminded him.

“Besides… you know the risk of turning… you might not be able to revert back. Not without the coordinates. Not without Eren’s power. You will lose to Colossal, you will be stuck inside that thing forever, losing your mind.” 

I felt chills in my spine after these words. 

“I am so tired, Reiner… this war is taking too long, and I am not sure we are doing the right thing anymore. That’s why I am leaving. If you want, you can go with me… but if you don’t want to… I will understand.” The monster we were chasing didn’t seem as monstrous as before. It seemed broken. 

“You can pretend you are doing this for Annie, that you are going back to retrieve her. But I know… the real reason you want to go to humans again. I had my own too, once… but it’s useless.” 

What the Hell was he talking about? The only reason Bertholdt would go back, was Annie. He said it himself. I guess this was one of these things Reiner’s mind wasn’t able to distinguish. 

“If you know, then you should come with me. Lotte needs an explanation,” Bertholdt remarked. 

Well, that part was familiar. Reiner’s ‘reason’, Liselotte Metzger, was a teammate and friend who fell for Braun back in our trainee days. She ended up in the Western Unit of the Scouting Legion, in the squad led by woman called Ezra Schwarz. Lotte and Reiner were romantically involved before she found out his real identity. I could’ve been in her position, but that didn’t happen because Bertholdt was already in love with Annie. I guess I was lucky, in a way. I didn’t have to go through the pain Lotte faced after Reiner’s betrayal. She had it pretty rough. 

I am glad Bertholdt spared me of that, at least.

“Lotte needs to stay away from me. You know it. I don’t want to hurt her, and in this situation, you know I would. I need to do what needs to be done. I will never betray what’s ours, not like you.”

“Will you just… stop it? I respected your decision. We’ve been together forever, we’ve kept each others’ back. But I can’t take this anymore, and I want you to accept it once and for all.” 

“And I want you to accept I will do whatever it takes to go back to our families, to our people. I will fight for all the three of us, when you two couldn’t. Annie fought, at least. You are just a coward.”

“Reiner…”

“I’ve heard enough. Do whatever you want. I need to get some sleep, I’ve been out hunting all day.”

We heard the footsteps passing. Reiner was angry, was disappointed, and this is exactly what we needed. For them to divide. 

“Sir?” Eren whispered, hands on his hilts. But Levi shook his head again. We were waiting for another fifteen minutes or so before we were sure Bertholdt was left alone in the room. Still, they weren’t on the desired distance from each other.

“We need to separate them, damn it,” Levi muttered. “Any ideas there, Red?” It took me a second before I realized he was talking to me. 

“I… I don’t…” Think, for a God’s sake. How could we use the field to our advantage? 

“Sir… the guns,” I whispered. “We could actually shoot the flares now.”

“Are you out of your mind, Romy?” Eren almost yelled. Mikasa covered his mouth with her hand. 

“We signalize squad leader Zoe to shoot her flare gun. Whatever works to let them know we are here. But, we pretend we are on the bigger distance than we actually are and let them think they have territorial advantage. We will have limited time to apprehend them, but the surprise element is the only option we’ve left”, I said. “We make Jean, cadet Kirschtein, flare his gun too, but from the opposite direction. He alerts them of his position, and make them know they are surrounded on both sides. They will most probably split to deal with two squads separately.” 

”Or they won’t, and they’ll escape again!” Eren said, looking at me as if I’ve lost my mind.

“You want me to gamble on the hope they’ll take the bait?” Levi asked. “There were a lot of dumb plans I was ordered to oblige, but this is probably the dumbest one I’ve ever followed,” he said, and I felt the embarrassment overflow me. 

“However, that’s precisely why it may work, so Jaeger, move to the shitty glasses with Ackerman. Signalize to her squad and shoot those flares. Sohner, prepare yourself. You signalize to that horse-boy.” That meant I had to go back for a few yards… and leave the Corporal exposed.

“But sir, you will…”

“I can take care of myself, you shitty brat. Just do what I asked you to do. ALL of you.” 

“Sir, I want…” Eren wanted to argue, but Mikasa pulled him for his arm, dragging him away forcefully. Eren didn’t realize that he is still Reiner’s primary goal, and that we needed to keep him as far from him as we could.

I went behind, to alert the group, to inform them of the tactics, hoping Armin will figure it out. I knew Hanji would expect these kind of modifications in plan, but Jean or Connie and Sasha wouldn’t immediately react, so all my hope went on the smartest boy in our class. I waved my blades, flashing the light from moon in their direction. The red flare made a loud sound as it rose to the dark sky… and I figured Eren and Mikasa did their job. Now, we wait for Armin to fire his. Come on. 

The door on the cottage opened. That’s exactly when Armin’s flare was shot, and made even louder noise than the previous one, pointing that the scouts were even closer. Someone got out, hesitantly watching both flares. Another figure joined it, looking on both sides. It started running in Jean’s direction. It wasn’t hard to figure that it was Reiner, from his composure and his movements. He was heading towards Armin and others. That’s where I run back, run as hard as I could, feeling that I need to assist Corporal Levi. I was hoping that… what was I hoping for? The Corporal will be fine. Bertholdt was the one in compromising situation now. 

I was running towards the two of them, approaching them with agonizing anxiety in my chest. Bertholdt didn’t see me at first, he didn’t even see Levi, because he used his 3DMG to climb the wall of the cottage, hanging from wires and waiting. He will attack him from above. Bertholdt was staring in the distance, to the place where the signal flare rose the smoke, hesitant about moving forward. But then, he raised his palm to his mouth, as if he wanted to bite it. 

“Bertholdt!” I yelled, feeling the fire consuming my heart. “Bertholdt, stop!” 

I wasn’t really expecting for him to stop, I told him that instinctively. He didn’t recognize me. I was wearing a hood. He was glaring at me dangerously, viciously, coldly… 

“Don’t you dare to take anybody else from me!” I was screaming, tearing my throat from the strength I used to yell. I removed my hood, getting closer to face him. He almost bit into his flesh… before he figured it was me. 

“Romy,” he whispered, and my heart stopped. Corporal slashed him across his back, drawing a lot of blood in the process. I reached for him, my hand trembling, pure instinct once again. Corporal threw a piece of rope over him, capturing him, almost bringing him to the ground. 

He collapsed on his knee, under Corporal’s strength, but still managed to turn to him. I needed him to turn away, at least until Corporal secured he was tied. We heard a thunderbolt in distance, and I felt the shivers down my spine. Reiner… has transformed. 

“Crap. Give up already, or I will cut both of your hands off,” Levi warned Bertholdt. The Lance Corporal was really pissed. Things weren’t going according to plan on the other side. I was afraid… our squad mates were in great danger now, we need to finish this and quickly go help them against the Armored Titan. 

“Stop struggling! You will be killed if you don’t surrender!” I said. I looked at Bertholdt’s eyes, and saw pain. Darkness. Emptiness. He could still transform. Levi partially had him, but the shifter could still bite into his palm. He could trigger his transformation, and Levi knew it, that’s why he was ready to cut off both of his arms. He was pulling the rope to subdue the target, but that wasn’t enough… so Levi brought another decision. He slashed him, this time across the chest. I screamed. If the first wound wasn’t lethal, this one could be. Bertholdt fell onto the ground. 

“Give up, you asshole. Give up, and you get to live,” Levi said again. I approached them quite close now, feeling the heavy weight on my heart. Corporal will kill him if he can’t capture him, the orders were clear. I reached for another part of the rope and pulled it hard, helping the Corporal to tie him better. Bertholdt was pushing us both, from both sides, but Corporal proved to be amazingly capable. However, I… I felt so weak comparing to him. Being this close to Bertholdt… in this condition…

“If you don’t surrender now, they will kill Annie. This is her last chance… your last chance,” I said, pressing my hand against his bloody chest. Hot tears slid down my face. “And yeah, I know you are strong, that it would take much more than this to apprehend you. You can bite into your tongue and transform… but do that and she is done for good”.

“You… wouldn’t. I know you wouldn’t kill her,” he whispered. 

“In case you don’t come with us, Annie will most certainly die,” I repeated. I wasn’t even sure he wanted to resist anymore, I just needed to say it. To see pain and fear in his eyes. I wanted him to feel desperate again. He stopped, losing his will to fight entirely. I pulled the rope tighter than necessary, giving Corporal the honor to finish this stupid process. He shot his flare gun.

“Knock out that freak, before he changes his mind and smashes you into stain,” Levi said to me. “I need to see what’s going on on their side.” 

I nodded. 

Bertholdt gasped: “I would… never… hurt Romy, sir. No matter what you might think.”

Levi didn’t answered to him, only to me. “Keep an eye on him for me, will you?”

“Of course, sir,” I promised. We were left alone, me and man who destroyed me without even being involved with me. We were silent for the most of time, and I don’t know how much time has passed before he spoke to me again. 

“You must hate me dearly, Romy… but it’s true I would never… never harm you.”

“But you did… you hurt me more than anyone else. You did something unforgivable,” I whispered.

“I know… I… I am guilty. I am… I never… when I broke the Wall, I…”

He was trying to apologize. The words just couldn’t come out. He wanted to say he was sorry for my family, for Marco… for everything. But he kept mumbling. I was angry with him, part of me wanted for Levi to kill him back then… but the other part wanted him to live.

“I wish I’ve never met you…” I whispered through sobs. “I wish I died all those years ago.” 

“Romy, don’t,” Bertholdt said softly again. “I had to… to do those things…”

“Stop. I don’t need your excuses.” I sat down next to him, hugging my knees. “Whatever the reason… it doesn’t matter anymore. My siblings and my mother are dead. Marco is dead. It’s all your fault.” 

“I want to take away the pain, Romy… I want to… you have to believe me. I never wanted to be there… within the Walls, with all of you. I never wanted to bound with all the people I’ve hurt. It drove me insane. I was afraid all the time I would be discovered. I was afraid of the disappointment I would cause, of pain, of sorrow, of… of everything. I never wanted anything from you. None of you. But they crawled deep inside my soul… all these feelings. But one thing completely tore me on the inside… I was crushed when you told me… that you loved me.” I didn’t look at him. 

“I can’t forgive myself for loving you, when you betrayed me in so many ways.” I wiped my tears away. He sighted. 

“I would give anything to change the past… to make you whole and happy. I would. You mean a world to me, but I knew I could never be with you, after what I did,” he admitted. 

“You never wanted me in the first place. I saw… how you care for Annie. It’s her that means a world to you, not me. So, don’t lie to me, it’s useless and…” 

“I loved you, Romy. Always. It just took me long time to admit that to myself. I loved Annie because I thought she was the only one who could understand me. We’re from the same village and all, I’ve had a crush on her since we were children. I still care about her, I want to help her, and protect her… but I love you. I grew to love you even before I rejected you. I want you to know that. You are so easy to love, after all.” 

“It… it’s not fair, you stupid, foolish…” I was so shocked, so... moved by his confession, I didn't know how to react. This was... out of the blue. The worst time he could chose to say those words. I was numb, I couldn't even figure how I felt at that moment. I was... completely confused. I wanted to say, I love you too. I still do. I wanted to say I want to forgive you, but I couldn't either. Too much pain. Too much suffering. It was shocking. And I... 

“I am sorry, Romy.” With those words, Bertholdt closed his eyes. I leaned down to check on his pulse, afraid if he might passed away. I wanted to do something... anything... I thought I wanted him to die, but in the end I felt only fear. If he dies, I might fall apart forever. It could be the end of me. After all, I am not strong person, and I am not strong enough to hate Bertholdt. 

“I don't want you to die,” I whispered. “So don't die, Bert.”

\----- epilogue -----

He lost the conscious from the blood loss, but he was still breathing. Fortunately, the rest of the unit returned soon, so Hanji checked out his wounds, sedated him and said he will live, thanks to his wast regeneration. 

“You cut him pretty deep, Levi,” she scolded the Corporal, while soldiers were carrying Bertholdt’s unconscious body onto the carriage. We all climbed next to him. 

“I didn’t. I would’ve split the brat in half if I wasn’t ordered to get them alive.” Corporal’s tone was phlegmatic. He looked at Commander Smith, who was fixing his fake, prosthetic arm. 

“I want them in one piece, because of the interrogations,” Erwin reminded us all. The Armored Titan escaped … after all the chase and fights. Armin and the rest of them had it rough, but they all survived. I guess Reiner didn’t want to hurt them, no matter what he said, or thought. Suddenly, the commander turned into my direction. 

“Good job, Cadet Sohner,” Erwin Smith said, praising my assistance to Corporal Levi. 

“Thank you, sir,” I responded, not too happy about it, but... as always, I hid my real feelings. After all... I loved my enemy in a way I wasn't supposed to, and I loved him too much. What I did... was difficult for me, but I still cared deeply about Bertholdt and it's not a good thing to reveal it in this world... under any circumstances.

“What are we going to do now, sir? We have no clue how to capture that traitor after the stunt we pulled this time,” Eren said. 

“He went into the west part of the titans’ territory, according to last reports,” Erwin revealed. “I will activate the West Unit to cover that part, it’s their scouting route, after all. And after they inform us of his movements, we will figure something out.”

“So, you are bringing Corporal Schwarz in the game too? Woo-hoo!” Hanji exclaimed cheerfully. 

Levi snorted, giving one skeptic look to Erwin. “Do you really think that Ezra will just spy on that asshole, without taking actions? She is reckless, short - tempered and she will most likely try to capture him herself.”

“Exactly,” Erwin said, smiling for the first time since this whole mission began. “I am counting on her to do just that. We’ve tried, and failed, so I will give her the chance to deal with our former cadet in her own way.”

“Tch… suit yourself. But if she dies… that’s on you,” Levi crossed his arms on his chest. 

I was fascinated. The woman they were talking about was Lotte’s commander. If she is as capable as Erwin thinks, that means we could capture the last remaining threat to humanity. But, I won’t think about tomorrow’s battles, I will enjoy today’s victory… even if it tastes bitter, it is still a huge success for our military forces. We captured the Colossal Titan, our biggest threat, and nothing was more important to me than this task. I could finally sleep peacefully... because I've seen he is captured... and I've seen he's alive.


End file.
